Happy Birthday

Today is Brian’s birthday. He would have been 37. Ethne and I got back to our hotel room late last night and talked for a long while about how much we miss him. She listed dozens of things that “he would love.” Mostly things that have happened in the last five months. I forget that […]

Worries

I’m writing this from the bathtub. The big one, upstairs. It’s full of silky oatmeal in an effort to soothe my skin. This has been another horrible week and I’m drowning in grief and fear. I started having upper abdominal pain again this week. Precisely where my liver was treated with the chemo. It got […]

The Hounds of Winter

Things have been hard. There have been the saving graces dappled throughout the heartache that this holiday season brought upon my family, but I have to be real here and say that the winter blues, which I always experience to some extent, have been so intensified in this particular season. I can’t believe as I […]

20 more days…

…until I can hopefully close the chapter on what has far and away been the worst year of my life. *Spoiler alert* I think everything is going to be fine now, but let me tell you about my day. As many of you know, today was the day of my TACE procedure. Trans catheter arterial […]

With a Grateful Heart…

Its been difficult to find the time and energy to write. We are still struggling against the new normal that has been thrust upon us. I am thankful to still have some weeks left off work because I can’t imagine throwing that back into the mix. There are many updates, but tonight I wanted to […]

Thanksgiving

We survived our first holiday without Brian. All of us. On Wednesday we had Thanksgiving at Ashley’s. It was good to have all of the cousins together, and Adrianne and Chris, Ashley, Kim, Grandpa Branch, Bill and Janet. Ethne went out with everyone to get Ashley’s Christmas tree and Elliot and I ran errands and […]

The Blur

I am sitting here this morning feeling like I need to document these days for myself because I am in such a fog of grief that I can’t remember what happened yesterday, let alone last week. The first week after Brian died was a blur with all that had to be done. Funerals are tough […]